When Hearts Break They Must Learn To Mend
by HeartandSoul24
Summary: By being so close to Gretchen now, Claire indeed felt alive, but she also felt the stinging, open wounds consume her. She realized for the first time that when Gretchen moved out she had not only left Claire feeling empty, she had broken her heart.
1. Realizations

There was a knock on the door as Claire turned away from her father. She did not want to discuss the carnival any further, and she was grateful for the light tapping on the front door because it removed the spotlight that was shining down on her, even if only for a moment. He didn't understand, no one understood. Her parents could try to relate to her situation, and try to understand what she was feeling, but they would never be able to make any sense of her life- she couldn't even make sense of her life. She had no friends at college, no one to talk to. She was alone. Claire had come to dinner tonight to make her father happy, not because she was thankful for anything.

All she wanted to do was to be alone in her now-empty dorm room; to curl up in a ball under the covers and enter a state of nothingness. But no, she had come to an awkward Thanksgiving dinner with her parents and their dates. And to make matters worse, she had decided to drop the I'm-quitting-college bomb at precisely the wrong time, in the wrong way, causing Doug to faint (what a pansy) and further complicating her parents' lives. That's what she was good at though, ruining people's lives. She had sure chased away her best friend fast enough. Since Gretchen left Claire hadn't been able to make sense of anything. Gretchen had been the one person who she confided in, who she trusted and opened herself up to; the person who she could be herself around. It wasn't until she walked out of her life that Claire realized how much she needed her.

"_I'm just, not like you." _ Even though she was supposedly immune to pain, the words Gretchen had said as she walked out the door cut through her like a knife, leaving behind aching scars. Her hopes of a normal life seemed to flutter out the window, and Gretchen's words replayed over and over again in her head like a broken record. She had been going through her days robotically, sinking into a numbness that overtook all other senses. Get up. Try to eat something. Go to class. Come back to her room and sleep. Go to class again. Stay in at night and stare at the door. Hope to see the handle move; for Gretchen to burst in, bringing back all of the comfort and placidity that she had taken with her.

"Sorry I'm Late."

Claire's insides did a flip. Her heart skipped a beat and she felt all of the color drain from her face. It was amazing how such a simple statement could make her feel the most alive she'd felt in weeks. But it wasn't the statement that jump-started her body, it was the voice behind the words. Surely she had heard wrong. It couldn't possibly be _her_. But she needed to look, to see for herself that what she heard had been wrong. She would make herself turn, even though she knew that the reality of her still-missing friend might kill her…

As she turned slowly towards the direction of the voice, her breath stuck in her throat. Meeting her gaze, with those gorgeous hazel eyes, was Gretchen. At first the shock of seeing her friend left her speechless, and she sort of stood frozen with a disbelieving half smile etched across her face.

_Say something say something say something…_

"Hi." Claire breathed out, trying to bring the moment back to some sort of normalcy. But as soon as she spoke she felt something inside of her splinter.

Claire felt a pain in her chest that she had never felt before. The emptiness and numbness vanished, an in its place the scars inflicted by Gretchen's parting words burned. By being so close to Gretchen now, Claire indeed felt alive, but she also felt the stinging, open wounds consume her. She realized for the first time that when Gretchen moved out she had not only left Claire feeling empty, she had broken her heart.

Gretchen's smile faltered as she saw Claire's crumpled expression and the evident torment in her eyes. She instinctively reached out to touch her, wanting to comfort the girl who had always been so strong. It killed Gretchen to see her like this, so small and vulnerable looking. But she jerked her hand back to her side. She knew she had no right to touch her with what she had done, and she wouldn't blame Claire for hating her- if she did.

Both girls looked away from each other, neither one able to look the other in the eye. They stood like this for a few moments until they heard a cough from behind them.

"Well, Gretchen, we were just about to have some dessert. Why don't you girls have a seat and I'll bring you some pie." Noah smiled at the pair and ushered them towards the kitchen table, which was now empty except for the turkey and stuffing remains that lay abandoned on the plates that had not yet been taken away.

As they sat down Claire took in everything about Gretchen; her clothes, her hair, her smell, everything that Claire had been missing for the past few weeks. Taking a deep breath she attempted to push her feelings of pain away to a place where Gretchen would not be able to see them.

"So, how have you been?" She asked, and was surprised to find that despite the efforts to hide the emotions her voice still betrayed her; it sounded nothing like her own, lifeless.

Gretchen brought herself to look at Claire, noting the dark, haunted tone that now shadowed the cheerful one that had once been there. She remembered being able to hear the smile in Claire's voice. Now there was no smile, there was nothing. How could she have done this to her? How could one stupid mistake cause so much hurt?

"Um, I've been okay…" She said quietly. "I've missed you though." She added, but regretted it immediately. _Stupid_, she thought. Claire had once again turned away from her, but not before Gretchen saw unshed tears making their way to the surface. _You made it worse…awesome._

"That's good," she heard Claire mumble, trying to sound as though nothing was wrong, "I'm glad you've been okay." Claire raised her arm and impatiently wiped away a tear with her sleeve.

_Great, _Clair thought. _I scared her away, and now I'm crying and making her feel bad about it._ She sniffed and continued to look away from Gretchen; she didn't want her to see her like this.

Gretchen did not stop her hand this time as it cautiously made its way towards Claire. If Claire turned around, slapped her, and told her to get out, then that would be okay- she deserved it- but she couldn't just sit there and do nothing. She had to try to fix this; to be here for Claire now when she wasn't before.

"Claire?" She said as her hand gently came to rest on the small of her back. She felt Claire stiffen under her touch, and a fresh wave of guilt washed over her.

Claire felt a jolt go through her body as Gretchen touched her. She immediately became rigid against the contact, and the throbbing wounds intensified. Gretchen was leaning towards her, trying to look into her eyes, but Claire turned her head farther away.

"Claire," Gretchen choked out, "Claire will you please look at me?" A fresh tear was now trickling down her own face. Seeing that Claire would not budge, Gretchen moved from her chair to kneel on the ground in front of her. She took both of Claire's hands in her own and gave them a comforting squeeze.

Claire looked down at their intertwined hands. Even though she knew that she would regret it later, she allowed the smallest morsel of hope to enter her soul. She knew that when it came time for Gretchen to leave again this strand of hope would burn even more painfully than the already-present lacerations in her heart. Ashamed of herself, Claire let the tears cascade silently down her cheeks and let them fall into her lap. Claire felt Gretchen released one of her hands. She then felt Gretchen's fingertips gingerly push the bottom of her chin upward, compelling Claire to look into her eyes. _Is she crying too?_

"Claire, listen to me, I am _so_ sor-"

"Okay we have pumpkin or apple, which one would you ladies prefer?"

Claire and Gretchen leapt apart from each other as though they had been branded with hot pokers. Gretchen, blushing madly, pretended to be greatly interested in a bird sitting on a tree outside, and she did not remove her eyes from the window. Claire, however, remained where she was, the same sad look on her face, although she had wiped away her tears in an attempt to compose herself. She looked at the floor, the walls, anywhere but at Noah who was now highly embarrassed by having interrupted what was clearly a sensitive situation.

"Sorry," he said, sounding confused. "I didn't mean to barge in. You okay Claire Bear?" He added with an apprehensive look at his daughter.

"Yea. Fine." She answered him, forcing a watery smile.

"Well, okay. I'll just leave these here for you girls then." Giving an uneasy smile to Gretchen and his daughter he put the pies on the table and left the room. Now, everything was quiet.

Gretchen turned once again to face Claire, who was glancing up at her from where she sat. She looked broken. Determined to make things right, Gretchen smiled warmly as she extended a hand down to her friend.

"Come on," she said, "take a walk with me; it's a little crowded in here."

Even though the room was the farthest thing from crowded, Claire took Gretchen's outstretched hand. The now-familiar sensation of the blazing gashes once again flared, but there was also warmth that emulated from Gretchen's hand that was a comfort through the agony. The feeling was bittersweet. If she was going to lose her again, Claire wanted to spend as much time with her as possible while she could, even if it would make things harder in the end. _You're going to get hurt again, worse this time,_ one side of her was saying. But the other side of her didn't care; Gretchen was here now, and even though seeing her was painful it was worth it. Claire would worry about everything else later.

The two girls made their way through the apartment and out the door, closing it silently behind them. They had a lot to talk about, but for right now there was no need for conversation; they were both just enjoying being together again.


	2. Explanations

It was a warm night despite it being November. The girls walked side by side down the path that surrounded the apartment complex. Neither of them spoke, although they did shoot occasional sideways glances when they thought the other one wasn't looking.

_So this is awkward…_ Gretchen thought. She rolled her eyes. _Ugh, this is actually ridiculous. Just… say something! Say anything!_

"Nice night." Gretchen said, breaking the silence at last. _Oh that was smooth. _

"Yeah, it is." Claire agreed, nodding her head while shooting a small smile at the brunette. To a passer-by the smile would look genuine, but Gretchen knew Claire, and she knew that even though the smile was perfectly constructed it was also perfectly fake; there was no emotion there, it did not reach her eyes. They were approaching a bench that was positioned to the left of the path, and Claire asked Gretchen if she wanted to sit.

"Sure." Gretchen quietly agreed. Claire led the way and took a seat while Gretchen followed in step and sat beside her.

_Closer than a normal friend would sit_… Claire noticed as she felt her heartbeat accelerate.

To lessen the aching pain in her chest Claire gently inched herself away from her friend so that they were still close but so that she could no longer feel the body heat between them. This did not go unnoticed by Gretchen.

_Great,_ she thought, _she can't even stand to be near me anymore_.

Once again there was silence as the two girls became lost in their own thoughts. _You have to try again_, Gretchen thought as she searched for the right words to say. She needed to resurrect the conversation that had been interrupted a few minutes ago in Mr. Bennett's apartment.

Gretchen turned her head to look at Claire, who looked back at her with the same sad expression that Gretchen had seen all night. Guilt overtook her again as she fought to hold back tears. _Don't cry don't cry don't cry_. But it was too late, and she felt the first tear brim over. _Crap_. She looked down at her lap and began to sob, she couldn't stop herself.

"Gretchen? Gretchen what's wrong?!" Claire asked, alarmed by her used-to-be-roommate's sudden mood swing. And even though she was hurting, the sight of Gretchen's obvious distress made her forget about her own pain. _Why is she so upset, did I do something? Or is she here to tell me goodbye for good?_

"I'm s-so sorry!" Gretchen choked out between sobs. _Just say everything. _"Claire I n-never meant to l-leave you!"

"Shh," Claire soothed while pulling Gretchen in for a hug, "just calm down. Breathe. Just chill out for a minute, it's okay." Gretchen relaxed into Claire's embrace, taking deep breaths in an attempt to compose herself. _This is just awesome; every time I try to talk about it I turn into a blubbering idiot._ She soon regained control over her body as the hysteria lessened and she sat up, slowly pulling out of Claire's arms while wiping tear streaks away.

"Look at me, I'm a mess. This is so embarrassing." She said, trying to make light of the situation.

"Are you okay?" Claire asked, brows furrowed and concern evident in her features.

Gretchen shook her head, "You really are unbelievable, you know that?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I'm the one who left, and you're asking me if I'm okay? I'm the one who took your trust and friendship and threw it back in your face. I ran off because of my own stupid fears, and I left you alone, even though you told me everything would be okay."

_What is she talking about?_ Claire thought. _Of course she ran away from me. I almost got her killed. I'm sure that when she agreed to be my roommate, she didn't know that being strangled by an invisible psychopath was in the job description. _

"Gretch, look-"

"No, listen. I can see that me leaving has really hurt you. But believe me, that was never my intention. You know how irrational I can be, and when I realized that there was a crazy nut job who had it in for me… I just panicked. And when I said that I wasn't like you…"

Claire's insides lurched.

"… I wasn't saying that you were a freak or anything like that; I meant that I wasn't as strong as you are. I'm not invincible; I can be killed in quite a number of ways- all of which were running through my head every second that I was worrying about Becky- and I was so scared. I'm not as brave as you are. I'm not used to this stuff. Until I met you my life has been anything but extraordinary. The most adventure I've had up until now was running away when I was like, eight. And that only lasted for a few hours, and I was next door at my neighbor's house!"

Claire smiled at the thought of young Gretchen packing her bags and stomping out of her front door. Little miss attitude. It was the first genuine smile that she'd had in a while, and it surprised her how quickly Gretchen had been able to make her emotions do a complete reversal.

"I just wasn't expecting it." Gretchen continued, "My life has always been completely normal. Completely safe. I've always blended in with the crowd; the quiet girl in the corner, eccentric and dressed in black. I guess I just didn't know how to handle the situation, so I ran away from it instead..."

"Because you don't belong in my world." Claire interjected sadly. "I'm sorry about what you went through, and the complications I brought into your life. I knew it was bound to happen sometime though, you leaving. I tend to scare people away. But you're right; you don't know how to live in a world where people are always after you, and just when you think everything is heading toward normalcy something else goes wrong. I just thought that maybe if I tried hard enough that part of my life would fade away and that I could be happy. But danger is always going to be here, and no matter how much I care about you, I won't allow myself to be selfish enough to ask you to come back into my life." And the pain inside her was tearing her apart. Biting, ripping, stinging, burning- hurt.

But then Gretchen said, "You don't have to ask, I'm already here."

"What?" Claire responded, confused. _Did she just say what I think she said?_

"I'm here now, I came back, and I'm not going anywhere this time. I promise."

Claire looked into Gretchen's eyes and saw determination. She saw hope and trust and love. _This can't be real_, she thought,_ why isn't she running from me?_

"You're like, back back? As in… moving back in?" Claire said disbelievingly.

Gretchen laughed, "If you'll let me…"

"Are you serious? Yeah, I- of course!"

"Okay," Gretchen said laughing, "then let's get outta here."

The two made their way back up to Noah's apartment and said their goodbye's. Noah was astonished by Claire's sudden turn around in attitude, and equally surprised at her eagerness to head back to the college that she had said only hours before she wanted nothing to do with. But although he was confused by the affect her roommate had on his daughter, he was just glad to see Claire happy again. As the two girls exited the apartment complex for the second time that evening, they were all smiles.


	3. Unpacking Again

"Okay I think that's the last of it." Gretchen said as she stepped over a cardboard box labeled "college stuff".

"Thank God!" Claire said, dropping the last suitcase onto the floor and collapsing onto her bed. "I seriously don't know how you got all this stuff out of here so quickly before..."

Gretchen smirked. Raising her eyebrows responded with, "Yeah, well, I guess I move a lot faster when faced with impending doom!" At this, Claire jerked up into a sitting position. A frown soon weaseled its way into her previously at-ease expression. _She's going to leave again, I know it,_ she thought with a twinge.

"Gretch, are you sure about this?" She began, "I don't want you to feel like you have to-"

"Claire, chill. I was just kidding around, I'm fine." Gretchen replied with a laugh, tossing Claire an assuring glance. "You worry too much!" She added, sitting down on the edge of Claire's bed and giving her a light nudge in the ribs.

"It's not funny." Claire said, but she couldn't restrain the grin that played on the edges of her lips. _I can't believe how calm she's being about all of this_, she thought, shaking her head._ We don't know where Becky is, shouldn't she be worrying? I mean, I'm freaking out and the crazy bitch can't even hurt me. I'll be damned if I let her near Gretchen again though. _

Gretchen sighed, "What a downer, I thought it was pretty funny." Receiving another warning glare from her roommate, she knew it was a moot point and decided to change the subject. _Okay, don't crack jokes about the Becky thing for a while_, she noted. "Well I'll tell you what's _not_ funny," she huffed, "the fact that I have to un-pack all of this shit _again_! You don't mind if I just leave everything like this do you? I mean, I think it looks nice…" She began to make her way through the cluttered room, which looked like it had been hit by a tornado.

"Uh, no, nice try. Come on I'll help you, it won't take too long." Claire hopped off the bed and picked up the box closest to her, "Where do you wanna start?"

Gretchen groaned and looked at a box that was sitting at her feet; she gave Claire a pouty look. _She's adorable_, Claire thought.

"Oh don't be such a baby! Besides, if you hadn't left in the first place you wouldn't have to un-pack all over again, now would you?" Claire asked. _Was that taking it too far?_ She wondered.

For a split second Gretchen felt as though she'd been punched in the stomach, but she soon recovered as she told herself, _she didn't mean it like that_. She played it cool, bringing her hands to her chest while providing a heart wrenching stare. "Ouch! That one hurt!" she exclaimed, feigning heartbreak. She threw a nearby pillow in her friend's direction, which soared through the air and hit a very surprised Claire right in the face. Claire fell back onto her bed, and Gretchen rushed over. _Shit_, she thought.

"Oh my God I'm so sorry, are you okay?!" But before she knew what had happened she was on her back and staring up at Claire, who now had her pinned. _Damn! _

Claire looked slyly down at the brunette, "I can't get hurt, remember?" In an attempt to free herself Gretchen reached up and tried tickling Claire, who snorted at the attempted surprise attack.

"Yeah, I'm not ticklish either." Claire stated, very amused by this point. "But I'm guessing you are…" She insinuated with an evil smirk.

"Don't you dare!" Gretchen protested, but her objections were halted by the laugher that erupted as Claire's fingertips began working themselves up and down the sides of her ribcage. Gretchen's whole body shook as she gasped for air. She clutched at her stomach as it began to hurt from the incessant giggling. "Stop!" she begged. But Claire continued the torture, thoroughly enjoying the sound of Gretchen's unrestrained laughter. "Claire, stop! Pleaseee! I'll do anything!"

"Oh, fine!" Claire relented, sniggering as she laid her hands on Gretchen's shoulders.

Gretchen's smile was still stretched across her face. "I can't believe you did that!" She whined, trying to catch her breath. "You better not do it again, or I'll-"

"Or you'll what?" Claire interrupted, eyebrows raised. Their eyes locked, and Gretchen did not answer; she looked up at Claire with seriousness and wonder. Claire's heart thumped loudly in her chest as she felt herself leaning towards her friend; her eyes closing ever so slightly as she glanced down at the brunette's lips. The only sound in the room was their breathing, and time seemed to stand still for a moment. But Claire suddenly felt heat enter her cheeks as she realized what was happening. Her face was only inches away from Gretchen's and she was straddling her; her hands on Gretchen's shoulders, and Gretchen's hands resting gently on Claire's hips. Claire silently pulled away and released her roommate.

"Sorry," she mumbled, looking away as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Her face was red with embarrassment. _What was that?_ _Did that seriously just almost happen?_

"No it's cool," replied Gretchen with a half smile. "I don't mind," she added suggestively, and Claire rolled her eyes. _Just give her some time, _Gretchen thought,_ she already knows how you feel, and she's not going to figure things out if you pressure her too much. _"Alright let's get this over with then." She grabbed the first box she saw, sifted through its contents, and began to organize.

"This is cute," Claire said a few minutes later as she discovered a picture frame among the belongings. "Why isn't there anything in it?" It was a simple black frame with the words "_Live. Laugh. Love._" inscribed in a golden scrawl across the bottom.

"Oh, my dad gave that to me a few years ago; I just haven't found the right picture to put in it yet. None of the pictures I have really say 'live, laugh, love' you know?"

"Well, maybe you'll find one this year." Claire said cheerfully.

"I doubt it." Gretchen replied.

"Someone's being a tad pessimistic…" Claire joked.

"Not pessimistic, just realistic." Gretchen corrected. "I told you before; nothing in my life has ever been spectacular. It's very plain, and very boring. It hasn't been filled with a loving family or anything like yours has. I never know whether the people in my life are here to stay, or just temporary passers by. It seems like every time I think I have things figured out, I turn around and I'm alone again. But I'm okay with that, it's whatever."

Claire stopped what she was doing and walked over to Gretchen. Gently grabbing onto Gretchen's arm, Claire compelled her to look at her. Gretchen's eyes were glazed over, but she tried to hide it with a watery grin.

"Gretch, what are you talking about?" Claire asked, "Is everything okay?" She was so confused; she had never seen Gretchen like this before. Looking so hurt, so vulnerable. _I never realized how difficult her life may have been. I've been so focused on my own problems, that it hasn't even crossed my mind that Gretchen's life might not be perfect. I guess she's scared of the same thing I am: being alone._

_Ugh, I don't want to talk about this. Not when everything's so good right now, _Gretchen thought as she turned back around to continue putting her favorite novels on the bookshelf. "Yeah, everything's fine," She guaranteed.

"It's obviously not…" Claire began, wanting to comfort her friend.

"Claire, look I'll tell you the whole sad story someday, but for now, I really don't want to talk about it okay?" She looked pleadingly at her roommate, so Claire dropped it.

She shrugged and placed the frame on Gretchen's desk. "Well, you know you'll always have me, right?"

Gretchen smiled, "and you'll always have me."


	4. Comfort Through the Horror

Claire had been right; by working together they had un-packed and organized all of Gretchen's belongings in no time.

"Finally!" Gretchen cried as she shoved the last cardboard box under her bed. "Sweet victory!" She sat on the edge of her bed and began to swing her feet back and forth.

"Yep, everything looks good." Claire agreed. She smiled to herself. She was happier tonight than she had been in what felt like forever. With all of Gretchen's belongings back in their rightful place, the small room felt like a home again. "Gretch?"

Looking up, she replied "Yeah?"

"I'm really glad you're back." The sincerity behind Claire's words made Gretchen's heart soar. The smile was in Claire's eyes again, and Gretchen was determined to do everything in her power to keep it there.

"Me too." Gretchen said softly. There was a brief moment of comfortable silence, but when things started to head towards awkward territory Gretchen cleared her throat and asked "So, what do you want to do?"

"I don't care," Claire replied contentedly, "I didn't really hear of any big parties going on tonight or anything, and I'm good with whatever you want to do. Any suggestions?"

_Whatever I want to do? She does know she's talking to the girl who has a huge crush on her, right?_ Gretchen blushed and bit her bottom lip, turning away slightly. She definitely had some ideas as to what they could occupy their time with, but all of them involved capturing those alluring lips with her own; tangling her fingers in those soft, blonde locks; feeling that warm skin pressed against hers… _get it together, Gretchen._

"Um," she said while suppressing a laugh, "do you just want to watch a movie or something?"

"Sure, that sounds fun. I haven't had a good movie night in forever; I used to have them all the time at home. Lazy nights in sweats are the best!" No sooner had these words left Claire's mouth than her thoughts drifted back to that moment on her bed, only a few hours before. She shuddered as she remembered Gretchen's intense gaze; those hazel eyes staring up at her, questioning, but also full of desire. She shook her head, _snap out of it_. S_o we're staying in tonight, big deal. So what if it'll be just the two of us? Nothing's gonna happen, relax…_

"Earth to Claire…" Gretchen joked, waving a hand in front of her roommate's face.

Claire's eyes came back into focus as Gretchen's fingers moved in front of them and snapped her out of her reverie, "What?" she said.

Gretchen laughed, "Well, you were just majorly zoning out; like, staring off into space and everything." She gave an amused smile and added, "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Claire replied, blushing. "Sorry, I didn't realize I was doing it." Trying to play it cool, as well as attempting to hide her nerves, she added "So do you want to watch anything in particular?"

"Nope, but since I picked what we're gonna do you get to pick the movie. It's only fair." Gretchen said. "Plus I'm really not good at making decisions, I take way too long to make up my mind" she admitted. "Wait, do you even have any movies with you? I forgot all of mine at home. Which sucks, cause I have a killer collection!"

"I didn't bring any either," Claire sighed, but then she remembered, "oh, wait, no I do have one. My brother Lyle gave it to me for my birthday last year- I haven't watched it yet though." She opened her closet door, and after searching for a moment she produced the movie "Mirrors", still secured in its plastic covering. "I guess this is the only one we've got, unless you want to go rent one." She said, while tossing the movie to Gretchen.

_Shit. It's a scary one_, Gretchen thought as she scanned the back cover. _Oh come on, I'm sure it won't be that bad. Don't be a baby!_ "Nah this one looks good," she lied.

Claire chuckled at Gretchen's un-steady look and said, "Are you sure? You don't look too thrilled…"

"No really, it's fine; although I should warn you that I'm not too good with scary movies."

"I'm sure it won't be that bad, these kinds of movies always end up being stupid anyways. Just listen to the background music and you'll always be able to tell when something is gonna pop out at you." She gave Gretchen a reassuring glance. "But really, we can always rent a movie…"

"It'll be fine," Gretchen interjected "just don't make fun of me too badly once you see what a baby I am."

"Cross my heart, I'll do nothing of the sort." Clair promised. She couldn't believe that after what Gretchen had been through with Becky she would be scared of a few supernatural mirrors.

"Okay." Gretchen answered, with a what-have-I-gotten-myself-into look. She was still worried about all of the horror she was about to witness, but she would at least try to pull herself together. She didn't want Claire to think that she was a complete wuss. I mean, after her ordeal with the psychopath it did seem silly that a picture on a screen would cause the hairs on the back of her neck to stand up. "Alright," she said "well since we're lacking any comfortable furniture we'll have to just use one of our beds I guess."

Claire gulped.

"So which one is it going to be?" She glanced at Claire, and noticing the girl's discomfort her heart sank a little. But instead of showing her disappointment she instead smiled and said, "Don't worry Claire, I'm not gonna jump you or anything. It's just a place to sit during the movie. But if you'd be more comfortable on the ground then we can-"

"No." Claire interrupted, shaking her head, "I'm sorry, we can use my bed if you want." _Relax, you're the one who is making things awkward here. Everything is fine, you're just having fun with your roommate, and it's nothing more than that._

"Okay, you're sure you're comfortable with that?" Gretchen held her breath, praying that she would be.

"Yeah, positive." Claire insisted.

"Okay then." Gretchen replied, jumping onto Claire's bed and positioning her lap top at the end of it. _She's obviously nervous about being around you alone, back off and don't do anything stupid._

Claire moved to turn off the lights, but Gretchen stopped her by saying "That's totally not a good idea. Me and scary movies already don't go well together, but when you add pitch blackness to the mix, that just takes it to a whole new level."

Claire laughed at this and suggested, "Well, what if I turn off the main light but keep this desk lamp on?" She gestured to the lamp that was perched on Gretchen's desk. Although Gretchen knew that it didn't give off much light, it would be enough so that she would be able to see if someone was lurking in the shadows- a feeling that took over her whenever she watched anything remotely creepy.

"Okay, that sounds reasonable." She gave in.

"Good!" Claire said as she flipped off the switch. _The room is dark, I'm on Claire's bed, she looks gorgeous, and she's walking towards me- if only she felt the same way for me as I do for her." _Gretchen thought as all sorts of inappropriate thoughts came flooding into her mind. Claire sat down beside her just as the opening scene of "Mirrors" lit up the screen.

"So far so good." Gretchen said, earning a chuckle and a "Shh!" from the blonde.

As the movie progressed, both girls ended up lying side by side on their stomachs facing the lap top. With every passing scene Gretchen gripped Claire's comforter tighter, her knuckles turning white. Claire glanced over at the brunette and grinned, thoroughly amused by the reactions the mediocre film was producing; she was more enticed by her behavior than by any aspect of the movie. And the way that the light from the desk lamp and the lap top danced across Gretchen's face had Claire mesmerized. For some reason, she could not look away.

"Oh my God, something's gonna happen to his sister!" Gretchen exclaimed as a scene of Amy Smart in a bathroom began. _It's a girl about to take a bath in a horror movie, of course she is going to die_, Claire thought, enjoying Gretchen's scared anticipation of the inevitable.

"OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, EWW!" She screamed as Amy Smart began to rip her own jaw off. Gretchen clenched the comforter tighter and shut her eyes, not wanting to endure any more of the bloody mess.

"Gretch, it's okay." Clair soothed, while reaching out to grab one of her hands. "It's only a movie, and it's over now." She continued, as the scene ended.

Gretchen looked up and gave a shaky laugh, "Thanks Claire, I told you I wasn't good with scary movies." Claire suddenly felt Gretchen's thumb begin to caress the back of her hand and she looked down, surprised to see that her hand and Gretchen's were intertwined. She didn't even remember reaching for Gretchen's hand, but there it was, firmly clasped in her own, and she found that she did not want to let go.

_Okay so she hasn't pulled away yet, that's a good sign!_ Gretchen thought hopefully. "I don't understand how you aren't scared of this stuff, it's horrible!" She stated, moving a little closer to Claire. _Don't push it_, she reminded herself.

"Well," Claire responded "when you've been through some of the stuff I've been through, it kind of takes a lot more than Hollywood horror to scare you." She shrugged. "Although, the jaw thing was pretty bad" she added.

"Yeah that was gross" Gretchen agreed, "But geeze, you've experienced worse things? I would never be able to deal with that." She admitted, looking at Claire with awe.

"I don't think you give yourself enough credit, you're stronger than you think you are." Claire said, giving Gretchen's hand a squeeze.

"Obviously not" she laughed "if I can't even handle a movie of insane mirrors. It's just the fact of not having control of yourself, I guess. Like, that girl ripped her own face apart without being able to stop it…" She shook her head, trying to erase the gory image from her mind.

"Yeah, that's definitely not the best feeling in the world. It's really scary." The blonde replied. When Gretchen raised her eyebrows and gave Claire a questioning look, she expanded "I know a guy like that, Doyle, he can control people with his mind. Everyone is like a puppet to him, and all he has to do is pull the strings. He forced me, my mom, and my biological mom to play a game of Russian roulette once."

Gretchen gasped.

"Don't worry everything was fine. My mom ended up shooting me, and he didn't know that I could regenerate, so we caught him off guard and were all able to escape unharmed. But when I had the gun and was forced to pull the trigger on Meredith, it was one of the scariest moments of my life. Thank God it was an empty chamber."

"Oh my God," Gretchen breathed "I can't even imagine being in that position."

"That's nothing compared to Sylar." Claire said, shifting to lie on her side; she still held Gretchen's hand in her own, propping her head up with her free hand.

"Who's Sylar?" Gretchen asked, repositioning herself to face Claire, and loving the feeling of warmth that emitted from her roommate's hand.

"Picture the most horrible, inhumane serial killer you can think of, and Sylar will be a thousand times worse. He kills people like me, and obtains their powers. They can't do anything about it, because he's kind of like Doyle… once he has control of you, you're just a helpless marionette. He would have killed me; if my ability were anything but healing I wouldn't be here right now. He sliced the top of my head off, and took my ability, so now nothing can hurt him either…"

Claire continued to tell Gretchen the whole story of Sylar. Everything that she had ever known about the guy poured out of her; things she had witnessed, things that her father had told her, things that she predicted. And she did not stop there. She told the brunette about all of the hardships and heartache that she had known; she had told her of Brody's attempted rape- which felt like a lifetime ago- to the knowledge about her biological parents, to the Company, to Pinehearst, to level 5, to people with abilities being rounded up and drugged like criminals, and everything in between. Gretchen remained silent and wide-eyed through the whole outburst, taking it all in. By the time Claire was finished informing Gretchen about the ins and outs of her life it was very late; the movie had been over for a long time and the lap top was in sleep mode.

Somewhere near the end of Claire's rant she had begun to sob, letting the emotion of the past few years wash over her. The sight of her hysterical roommate tugged at Gretchen's heartstrings, and even though she had told herself to give Claire space, she could not resist pulling the weeping girl close to her. She wrapped both arms around her, holding her tightly as she cried.

"Shh," she murmured into Claire's hair, "It's okay, I'm here."

They remained like that for a while, nestled together on Claire's bed; Claire crying and Gretchen whispering words of comfort. But soon Claire's tears subsided, and the girls felt exhaustion take over, both quietly slipping into a deep sleep.

Gretchen opened her eyes slowly, letting them adjust to the bright light streaming in through the windows. She smiled as she noticed the mass of blonde hair beside her on the pillow. Her arm was still lazily draped across Claire's stomach, and the girl was still huddled up to her. _This feels so right_, she thought.

Claire began to stir, and as she moved the hem of her tank top traveled upwards slightly, causing Gretchen's fingertips to settle on her warm, soft skin. She turned to face Gretchen, and smiled when she saw that the brunette was awake too.

"Morning," She grinned.

"Good morning," Gretchen replied, somewhat taken aback by Claire's affectionate tone. As soon as she thought this, however, Claire's face flushed as she took in their close proximity. She looked down at Gretchen's hand, which was resting on her bare waist, and all of the contentedness left her features and she instead became increasingly uncomfortable.

This did not escape Gretchen's eyes, and she once again reminded herself sadly that Claire did not have feelings for her. She slid her hand off of Claire's waist and sat up, straightening her disheveled shirt. "Look," she began "about last night-"

"Yeah, thanks so much for that." Clair interrupted, as she hastily jumped off of her bed and began shoving things into her bag. She quickly threw on a sweatshirt.

"Um, no problem, but Claire-" Gretchen tried again.

But she was once again cut short as Claire interjected, "hey I have a class, can we talk about this later?" And after grabbing her tooth brush, she was out the door, closing it swiftly behind her.

"Right." Gretchen said to the empty room. She fought back tears as she headed over to her own bed, wanting to catch up on missed sleep from the previous evening. _Claire doesn't have class today_, she thought, as she remembered a conversation she had had with the blonde the day before. _She told me she didn't_. She didn't understand why Claire was doing this to her. Every time she felt like she was getting closer to her roommate, Claire ended up bolting out of the door, making up some lame excuse as to why she had to leave… like "class".

_One step forward, two steps back_, she thought bitterly as she threw the covers over herself. _Maybe it's time to stop trying. Maybe it's time to move on…_

And with this last thought, she drifted into an uneasy sleep filled with dreams of Claire leaving her over and over again; dreams of being alone.


	5. Stains

**Hey everyone, I'm sosososo sorry that it took me ages to update this. I was either extremely busy or suffering from severe cases of writers block, but that's no excuse! I'll really try to update a lot sooner from now on. I don't even know if anyone is still reading this story, but if you are then here you go **

* * *

Claire was still sitting in the chair. Her legs remained pulled into her body, with the same arm stretched across to draw them impossibly closer. Her chin was resting on her knees, and her eyes had glazed over some time ago and were now lifelessly staring at a spot on the wall across from her. She had been sitting in the same position since she had fled from her roommate that morning; it was as though her limbs had swallowed her whole.

_What's wrong with me? _She thought. _Why did I have to freak out like that? I didn't have to run away this morning; I could have acted like a normal person and just went to the bathroom, gotten over myself, and then pretended that I was fine._

She wanted to hit herself as she thought about the toothbrush that was now shoved into the front pocket of her backpack. At least she had remembered to brush her teeth before getting as far away from Gretchen as possible. _Pathetic._ She had bolted out of the door within seconds after waking up in Gretchen's embrace. The brunette probably thought she had really screwed something up.

_But she didn't do anything wrong! She's probably feeling horrible right now. Probably thinks I'm freaking out because of something she did, when in reality she's perfect. Gretchen was awesome last night, and she comforted me when I really needed someone. I was a wreck, and she just sat with me, took everything in, and made me feel safe. _

Claire felt her heart speed up at the mere thought of being in Gretchen's arms. She could still feel her roommate's fingers against her stomach- a constant reminder of the confusing and panicked morning. Though it had been fleeting, the sensation of the brunette's skin against her own had been electrifying, and her touch still lingered. Claire swallowed. _Stop! God, I can't keep thinking like this. I'm not even gay! _

"Hey."

_And just because we woke up snuggling this morning, it doesn't mean anything…_

"Hey, you."

_I mean, we were hugging last night because I was upset and she was being a good friend, and then we fell asleep, so that must be why we woke up like that. Yeah. But I don't know, it felt nice…._

"Yo, blondie!" Claire was pulled from her thoughts as she felt a hesitant hand on her shoulder.

"What?" She snapped, spinning around quickly to glare at the guy who had disturbed her.

"Whoa, sorry!" He replied, backing away slighting while holding up his hands, showing he meant no offense. "I didn't mean to bother you or anything. I tried getting your attention before but you didn't hear me. It's just, I'm trying to study over here, and it's kinda hard for me to concentrate with you doing that." Claire raised her eyebrows, giving him her best what-the-hell-are-you-talking-about glare. The boy inclined his head, gesturing. She followed his line of vision and was surprised to see her hand relentlessly tapping a pen against the arm of the chair. Shaking her head, she forced her hand to still.

"Wow, I am so sorry," she apologized, placing the pen next to her forgotten books that were strewn across the table in front of her. "I didn't even know I was doing that. I was kind of in my own world there."

"Yeah, I noticed," he laughed. "And I figured 'this chick is either extremely into wall stains, or she really has something on her mind.'" Claire blushed as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"Well, I can tell you with absolute certainty that I do not find the wall all that fascinating."

"Darn," the boy shook his head, feigning disappointment, "and here I was thinking that I had finally found someone who shared my love for stains. I guess I'll have to keep searching." Claire couldn't help but laugh as she extended her hand to him.

"Claire," she said as he took her hand in his. It was warm and inviting, strong. She should be happy to be talking to a cute boy. She should want to flirt a little, keep his attention. But all she could think about was how his hand was too big, too rough. It didn't feel right. She thought about last night, and how she had taken Gretchen's hand in her own. Their fingers seemed to fit together perfectly, and as Gretchen's thumb lightly traced across the back of Claire's hand, it had left a trail of fire in its wake. If she concentrated hard enough, she could still feel the burning.

He smiled, "Brett."

"It's nice to meet you," she replied. "Sorry for the annoying tapping, I honestly didn't even know I was doing it. And sorry for practically biting your head off when you tried getting my attention," she continued, "I was just thinking about some stuff."

"Ah, so I was right! Lots of stuff going on in there." He said, pointing to his head.

She scoffed, "that's an understatement."

"Well," Brett shrugged, "all I can say is that things will work out in the end. Nothing is shit forever. Just keep your head up, yeah?"

"Yeah," she smiled, "thanks."

"Don't thank me for anything, I'm just hoping to delay the God damn tapping that has been driving everyone insane all day. Really, I'm being pretty selfless for sacrificing myself for the sake of everybody else's studying." He smirked as he turned to walk away.

"Really nice," she laughed, rolling her eyes.

"Oh," he stopped, facing her once more, "and if it's about a guy, he isn't worth it." He grinned as he gave her one final nod, and then continued on his way, leaving her alone once again.

_Definitely not a guy_, she thought with a sigh. She groaned as she picked up her cell and noticed the time; it was almost six. She had been gone all day, and had successfully accomplished nothing in that time. She was still as confused as ever. Hiding wouldn't fix anything though. _This is stupid. I have to go back sometime, and delaying it will just make it worse. I'll just tell her I was being stupid and that it has nothing to do with her. _For the first time that day, Claire finally allowed her limbs to unfold. She was sure that if anyone else had been bunched up in the same position all day they would be incredibly stiff right now, maybe a little weak on their feet. But of course, she felt nothing. She quickly gathered her books, threw the pen into the bag as well, and then headed toward the door. She waved to Brett as she left.

"Go get 'em." He said as she passed, giving her a thumbs up.

_Okay, deep breaths, deep breaths,_ she thought as she stood outside of her door, key poised. _I can do this._ Finally finding her resolve, she turned the handle, inhaling sharply in anticipation. But all she found was darkness.

As she flipped the switch on the wall beside her, light flooded the room to further accentuate its emptiness. _Well, what did you think? That she'd be here waiting for you?_ Claire sighed as she tossed the bag onto her desk.

She groaned as the bag collided with the mostly-empty coffee cup that she had been too lazy to throw away. _Great_, she thought as its remaining contents flowed from the cup and across the desk. The bad soaked up the liquid greedily before Claire had the chance to pull it away. _That's going to stain_, she thought exasperatedly.

Claire scrubbed at the darkened patch until she grew frustrated and threw the bag to the floor. She could try as hard as she wanted, but she knew that it was useless.; the bag had been stained, and no amount of wishing it away would make a difference.

She collapsed onto her bed with a sigh. Throwing an arm across her eyes, she concentrated on her breathing. She needed to calm down. _In and out, in and out, in and out._ But behind closed lids she saw swirls of brown, bits of hazel. She thought of Gretchen's touch and could feel the brunette's fingers against her stomach again. Skin against skin. Tingling. Fire. _I guess there's no wishing this away either, _she thought.

* * *

The sound of laughter outside the door pulled Claire from her slumber just as the handle turned. She glanced at the clock, it was 9:00. She didn't know why she was surprised when Gretchen didn't enter the room alone, but with a friend. _A female friend_, Claire thought, and was shocked when a surge of jealousy sent a jolt through her system. She clenched her hands into fists.

The girl was shorter than Gretchen, not as small as Claire, but still. The brunette was only dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt, and she was hardly wearing any make-up, but even so, she was very pretty. _Stop analyzing this girl, _Claire commanded herself, _who cares who Gretchen spends time with?_ _She obviously has other friends you idiot; you're not the only one she spends time with. And it's not like Gretchen wants to sleep with every girl she sees. Not that I would care, _she reminded herself, _because I wouldn't_. Relaxing her hands, Claire forced a smile onto her face.

"Hey guys," she said while hopping down from her bed.

"Oh, Claire, hi!" Gretchen said as she spun around, noticing her for the first time. "You're back! I was wondering where you ran off to all day." Gretchen tried her best to sound nonchalant about the whole thing. She didn't want her roommate to know how much she had been worrying; it would probably scare Claire away again. _Just act like nothing happened, like everything is fine. Stop thinking about her like that, because it's never gonna happen. Be her friend the way she needs you to be. _

Claire cleared her throat, "Yeah, sorry about that. I just had some stuff to do today." She knew that Gretchen would never buy that, but she didn't want to talk about anything in front of what's-her- face. _Seriously, who the hell is this girl?_ She knew that Gretchen's friend hadn't done anything wrong, but that didn't mean Claire had to like her.

"Don't worry about it, it's whatever." Gretchen gave a small smile, trying to convey with body language everything that Claire didn't want to talk about. From the look in Claire's eyes, she knew the blonde understood; there would be no need to make excuses for this morning, and they wouldn't need to revisit the issue. _Everything's fine Claire don't worry about it_, she indicated with the nod. _I'm over it_. But as she broke away from Claire's gaze, she couldn't help but detect sadness in her eyes. And, regret? Gretchen pushed the feeling away, not wanting to over think things again. _She doesn't want you_, she reminded herself, _just leave it._

"Okay," Claire said. She was shocked by how quietly the word escaped her lips. She sounded broken once again, and she didn't know why.

Gretchen wasn't going to talk about what happened, she was just letting things go. Claire should be happy to avoid that uncomfortable conversation, but for some reason she was disappointed. Did she want to talk to Gretchen about how she was feeling? Did she want Gretchen to keep trying? _No, _she thought, _things are better this way. I don't even know what I'm feeling, and it'll pass. _

"Oh, shit!" Gretchen exclaimed. "God, sorry, I'm so lame sometimes. Claire, this is Nicole, Nicole, Claire."

"Hey," Nicole smiled, giving Claire a little wave.

"Hi," Claire responded, trying her best to sound friendly. "I haven't seen you around before, did you guys just meet, or-?"

The girl shook her head, "Oh, no we're in the same politics class. Today we grabbed something to eat afterwards and we kind of just lost track of time." _Yeah, I bet, _Claire thought with a clenched jaw.

"Yeah it was weird," Gretchen continued, "it felt like we had just gotten there, and then all of a sudden I looked down at my watch and realized we'd been at the same table for like two hours!"

Nicole laughed, "Just got lost in conversation I guess."

"Yeah, crazy when that happens," Claire replied, trying to keep the sarcasm out of her voice. Apparently she didn't do a very good job, because Gretchen turned to look at her, confusion taking over her features as she knitted her eyebrows together in a questioning glance. Claire shrugged.

"Okaaay," Gretchen drew out the word, trying to diffuse some of the tension. _Why the hell is there tension anyways? _"Well, me and Nicole are gonna head over to Thackery Avenue, there's supposed to be a killer party tonight. You wanna come?"

_What, and see you two joined at the hip all night sucking face? No thanks._ "No, that's okay you guys go ahead," Claire said with a smile.

Nicole asked, "Are you sure? Come on, it'll be fun!"

_Oh, well if Nicole says it'll be fun then I'm sure it'll be fan-fucking-tastic, _Claire thought.

"You can always go for a little and if it's crap you can leave," Gretchen urged.

"Okay, okay, I'll go," Claire gave in. "But only for a little while. I just have to get ready."

"Yeah, so do we," Nicole replied, "I'm just gonna go take a quick shower and change and I'll meet you back here Gretch, okay?" _Wow, using the 'I'm taking a shower, and I'm telling you so you can picture me naked' technique. Nice. _Claire thought while trying to suppress a scowl.

"Yeah, okay see you," Gretchen answered, while trying to shake the images of "Claire" and "shower" from her mind. _God, she wasn't even the one who said it! Claire doesn't want you, and Nicole is obviously trying here, so don't screw this up just because you can't stop thinking about your roommate! _

As Nicole shut the door behind her, it was as though Claire and Gretchen could reach out and physically touch the awkwardness that had settled into the room. They stood there for a few moments, before Gretchen cleared her throat.

"Well, I guess I'm gonna go get ready then." After grabbing a few things she was out the door.

Claire sighed and walked over to her closet, searching for something to wear. _I've really screwed everything up, haven't I? _She thought sadly, and she wondered when, if ever, things would finally go back to normal between her and Gretchen.


End file.
